This is a story I wrote several years ago for my old blog. Sorry if it’s a rerun for ya.
Since moving to a magical place called “The Sticks” and living on an actual dirt road, we’ve fulfilled many Jeff Foxworthy jokes. You know the ones- “You might be a redneck if directions to your house include ‘Turn off the paved road'” or “You might be a redneck if your house once had wheels”. But I think I’ve got a new one for ‘ol Jeff’s routine- “You might be a redneck if donkeys wander your neighborhood”.
The kids and I were leaving this morning and as we get to the end of the driveway a donkey walks by. Then another. And another. I expect to see someone on a horse behind them but nope, nobody is there. The three of us sit in a stunned silence for a second then break out in hysterical laughter. Of course I, because I don’t have good sense, opened the door and called them. I’m not sure how to actually call a donkey so I just clicked my mouth and said “Here donkey, donkey.” They did stop and look at me. And I swear one of them rolled his eyes and called me stupid. But then they turned back around and kept walking up the road. When I pulled up behind them they picked up the pace a little.
As I’m following them a truck comes up going the opposite direction. We get window to window and I tell the gentleman “I found these donkeys! What do I do with them?” He laughed and said they normally hang out in the peach field. (So these are locals?) In this picture below you can see a bright spot at the top left. That’s where the peach field starts and when they got to this spot they took a hard right and kept on hoofing it.
When we were coming home this afternoon, I wondered if they were still in the field so we went exploring. Sho ’nuff they were in the opposite side of the orchard. I
ignored didn’t see the ‘No Trespassing’ sign so I pulled on the little road between the peach field and pecan grove. And there they were, just hanging out like the nice man said. I took a few more pictures and then we left. I didn’t know what else to do. So if you’re interested in trying to round up 3 wild donkeys, I’ll tell you where to look.
Coincidentally, a friend of ours who lives about 5 miles away has lost one of his donkeys. I guess I should’ve called him and asked him if that was his ass I was looking at. Or maybe told him to get his ass out of the road. Or that he has one hairy, ugly ass. (Sorry, couldn’t resist throwing in an ass joke or three!)
Since I know so little about donkeys, I decided to do some research. Here’s a few donkey fun facts for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!
1. Donkeys can live to be 25 to 35 years of age.
2. The coyote is the only natural threat to donkeys. Donkeys therefore do not like any canines.
3. The donkey’s favorite pastime is rolling. (Rolling what? Doobies, maybe?)
4. George Washington owned the first Mammoth donkeys born in the United States.
5. Donkeys originated in the African Desert and are a descendant of the African Wild Ass.
6. The African Wild Ass is one of the most endangered animals in the world.
7. Ass is the correct term for the animal known as the donkey, burro, or jackstock.
8. Donkeys are highly intelligent and have a strong sense of self-preservation, a trait that has frequently given them the undeserved reputation of being stubborn.
9. Donkeys are wonderful protectors to flocks of sheep and goats as well as herds of cattle.
10. Wild donkey herds are small and use their loud bray to keep in contact with each other over long distances.
11. Donkeys are very affectionate and need companionship or will become severely depressed. (Awww, just like me!)